[Grimm_Wolfe]

(12-22-2016, 05:48 AM)Star Wrote: Shit Grimm Says

This is gonna be great

For those of you who have had the misfortune of talking to me on Discord, you know how NSFW/NSFL I can get with my sense of humor.  I'm the same way at work.  I make a lot of jokes and turn things people say into something dirty, I do this for general entertainment of the whole shift.  The people I work with know I'm not serious with any of my antics, and they usually come right back at me with something similar and say similar things.  We're all cool.  Most of the things I say are with Mel and Antman, as I work with them the most.  However, I do mess with my co-workers a lot, too.  Usually, I make some kind of reference to Fleece Johnson; look him up on YouTube if you dare.

What I say / Context

- "Here's your cock-adilla" - my name for a chicken quesadilla when I hand it to a co-worker to grill
- "Make sure you wet that cock" - telling a co-worker to add water to the grilled chicken 'cause it looks dry
- "Make sure you cream those.  Yeah, yeah, cream them good~" - co-worker putting sour cream on something
- "Squirt that hot cheese on it and spread it around" - co-worker pumping nacho cheese
- "I see you can pump that up and down real good" - male co-worker using any pump
- "Here's this bullshit" - handing a co-worker a heavily customized food item
- "You want this meat?" - holding a bag of ground beef out for a co-worker
- "I would say, 'suck a dick' but I think you'd like that" - @Antman, my fabulous gay manager/friend, when he messes with me
- "I'm just going to wash my rag out, motherfucker, damn!" - @Antman when he told me shutup.  He said something I would usually turn into a joke but I wasn't paying attention to him. xD
- "Quit rubbing your nipples!" - @Antman when he's rubbing his nipple rings
- "You better work before Fleece Johnson ruins yo' buttcheeks" - catching a male co-worker slacking off
- "...Nothing..." - @Antman when he asks, "the fuck you looking at?"  What I said is lowkey shade.
- "Slap him with your dick" - @County's non-existent dick and relationship issues
- "I don't need to know your moonlighting antics downtown" - when a Mel says, "I suck".
- "*gagging noise*" - when a co-worker talks about eating ass
- "Don't spray me with your meat juice!" - when a co-workers splashes meat broth on the line
- "That's not professional at all" - sarcastic remark to another's double entendre
- "Flick those beans and see how they feel" - telling a co-worker to check the refried beans' texture.
- "I'm sure you suck on lots of things" - when a co-worker talks about their weed smoking.
- "Quit sending nudes!" - when a coworker is on their phone rather than working
- "Leave your personal life at the door" - when any co-worker says something that can be turned sexual
- "Sexual frustration is a bitch" - when a co-worker says they're frustrated with a computer/person.

This is just a fraction of what I say at work and what's most memorable.  Everyone at my work does something like this when the lobby doors are locked and no customer can hear us, it helps keep work fun until 1AM - 4AM when we leave.

---

(12-22-2016, 06:29 AM)Patty Wrote: Boats and Hoes

This is a funny yet frustrating moment in my employment.  One day, a man had the bright idea of driving his truck and his boat on a trailer through drive-thru.  We were initially amazed he even fit.  We made his order, he left with a loud thud, and we returned to cleaning.  However, we quickly realized the building's water pressure had went down by like 80% and we were wondering what the fuck happened.  We noticed that a lot of water was coming down the drive-thru lane and we investigated.  The man's trailer had jumped the curb on his turn and crushed one of our automated sprinklers, which was now pouring out gallons of water.  We had not water pressure that night and cleaning took forever.  We had to hire contractors to fix our sprinkler with what can be described as large automatic hoe to dig up the dirt the following morning.