Hello! I've been away for a few weeks and will be away for a while longer. I really miss you guys and hope you're all doing well :>
I got into a downwards spiral and - after about a week or so of daily hangovers, no exercise, and limited food - I had a call to say that my work couldn't afford to keep me on, so I was made redundant right away.
If you picture a tan(x) graph where one side goes to positive infinity while the other goes to negative infinity, that's a pretty good representation of what my stress levels and mood were doing at the time.
At the time I would have loved to play some games on my PC and maybe come back onto hometown for a while but my computer stopped working at some point during the heatwave and I still haven't managed to get it to boot.
The good news is that I'm alright now (took some time away, and have gone home for a bit) but the bad news is that I will likely have to send my PC off to be repaired and will be gone for another week or more.
There was another thing I wanted to discuss too.
A few months ago I switched to using she/her pronouns and you guys have been really supportive about it, but during this time I've spent a lot of time introspecting and have come to the conclusion that it's just... not me.
It's not that I don't like she/her pronouns. It's more that other people get confused (especially by my masculine voice in discord) and it's the confusion which makes me feel awful. Of course, a lot of you will say "but that's not your problem, be who you wanna be" and for the majority of cases I would agree with this. (You should always respect someone else's identity!). In my case, however, I had to learn that being female does not make you feminine, and being feminine doesn't mean you have to be female. With that in mind you guys can refer to me with whatever pronouns make you comfortable because my gender identity is how I view myself, and maybe you guys view me differently, and I'm alright with that because - tbh - I'm not even sure how I view myself.
At the end of the day, does it really matter anyway?
Hope you guys are having a cool time. I'll be around on my laptop every now and then but I won't be working on any new projects (trust me, I have quite a few planned) until my PC is up and running. This post alone took me like 4 days to write/rewrite soooo yeah... not quite back up to the usual levels of productivity.
I got into a downwards spiral and - after about a week or so of daily hangovers, no exercise, and limited food - I had a call to say that my work couldn't afford to keep me on, so I was made redundant right away.
If you picture a tan(x) graph where one side goes to positive infinity while the other goes to negative infinity, that's a pretty good representation of what my stress levels and mood were doing at the time.
At the time I would have loved to play some games on my PC and maybe come back onto hometown for a while but my computer stopped working at some point during the heatwave and I still haven't managed to get it to boot.
The good news is that I'm alright now (took some time away, and have gone home for a bit) but the bad news is that I will likely have to send my PC off to be repaired and will be gone for another week or more.
There was another thing I wanted to discuss too.
A few months ago I switched to using she/her pronouns and you guys have been really supportive about it, but during this time I've spent a lot of time introspecting and have come to the conclusion that it's just... not me.
It's not that I don't like she/her pronouns. It's more that other people get confused (especially by my masculine voice in discord) and it's the confusion which makes me feel awful. Of course, a lot of you will say "but that's not your problem, be who you wanna be" and for the majority of cases I would agree with this. (You should always respect someone else's identity!). In my case, however, I had to learn that being female does not make you feminine, and being feminine doesn't mean you have to be female. With that in mind you guys can refer to me with whatever pronouns make you comfortable because my gender identity is how I view myself, and maybe you guys view me differently, and I'm alright with that because - tbh - I'm not even sure how I view myself.
At the end of the day, does it really matter anyway?
Hope you guys are having a cool time. I'll be around on my laptop every now and then but I won't be working on any new projects (trust me, I have quite a few planned) until my PC is up and running. This post alone took me like 4 days to write/rewrite soooo yeah... not quite back up to the usual levels of productivity.
![[Image: P4HqY8y.png]](https://i.imgur.com/P4HqY8y.png)