[Nether_Ruler]

Shit my managers say

[Grimm_Wolfe]

(12-22-2016, 04:22 AM)Nether_Ruler Wrote: Shit my managers say

Oh boy, this is one of the more amusing stories.  If you go to a restaurant and see a super-professional manager, realize they're probably some of the oddest, amusing shit-talkers when not in view of customers.  The best past-time in the kitchen is to joke and shit-talk the whole time, and managers are no slouches in this regard with the things they say and profanity they use.

The best shit-talking managers are County, Antman, Psychic, and Mel.

- Psychic is a older, white woman without a filter at times.  She was working the kitchen line and she was talking with a co-worker about another manager, Fighter, leaving early to meet with his girlfriend.  Psychic said, "Fighter left early to meet his girl.  He's probably balls deep in soft-ass pussy right about now."  She didn't realize that the Regional Manager, Vader, had entered the store and walked right by her when she said that.  He was mortified, "What did you say?!"  She tried playing it off but he knew what she said, she still works with me but that moment is forever burned in her mind.

- Antman is unique.  He's a fabulously gay black man who's 6'5", and he's sassy as fuck.  Often times, people will call him "ma'am" in the microphone booth just from his voice and vocal expressions.  It irks him at times.  One day, I came through the drive-thru with my roommate:
"Welcome to ___, what can we make for you?"
"Hey, Antman, it's Grimm :D"
"Boy, why are you here?!"
"Getting food"
"What would you like?"
*make my order*
"Pull up to the window, Grimm"
"Thank you, ma'am"
"Fuck you!!!"

- Another time, Antman talked about his former career as a male stripper, it was rather unexpected and out of left field.

- County would often talk about her non-existent dick and how it made her the man in her relationship.

- Mel just talks smack about how deaf I can be at times and calls me an old man. xD

- Nicky, another manager, one time dropped a $5 bill under the counter, "I never thought I'd get on my knees for a $5"

These are just the examples that come to mind easily.

[LynxThe1st]

these are amazing
thank you lmao

[Geckorian]

Pinkeye, Strep, and Fuck You

[Grimm_Wolfe]

(12-22-2016, 05:22 AM)Geckorian Wrote: Pinkeye, Strep, and Fuck You

This is one of the moments I hate from the old management and it's scary that it even happened.  Last year, during winter finals weeks, I got a double-teamed with viral pinkeye and bacterial strep throat.  I was very sick but one of my managers, Christmas, wasn't going to let me off working the third shift.  At this time time, only a manager and another employee would work closing shift.  If I was let off work, then the store would have to shutdown unless another manager filled my position, which would have been Christmas.  I was given steroid eye drops to reduce the swelling and tearing in my eye, and antibiotics for the strep–my dad is a doctor.  Christmas had a Google doctor moment, "You said you had eye drops, right?  You should be fine to work now.  It says you're no longer infectious after taking eyedrops online"  Well, that would be correct, except I had viral pinkeye, not bacterial pinkeye.  If it was bacterial, then antibiotic eyedrops would make me non-infectious after 24hrs.  However, viral pinkeye made me infectious as long as I was symptomatic, nor did I have a valid doctor's note as my dad treated me.  After multiple attempts to convey this information, I was basically told come to work or look for a new job.  I cleaned that night, I refused to handle any food and took a shit ton of precautions.  The manager on shift, Sahara, understood what was going on.  Needless to say, the manager who threatened me with employment termination no longer works there.

[Star]

Shit Grimm Says

This is gonna be great

[Patty]

Boats and Hoes

[Grimm_Wolfe]

(12-22-2016, 05:48 AM)Star Wrote: Shit Grimm Says

This is gonna be great

For those of you who have had the misfortune of talking to me on Discord, you know how NSFW/NSFL I can get with my sense of humor.  I'm the same way at work.  I make a lot of jokes and turn things people say into something dirty, I do this for general entertainment of the whole shift.  The people I work with know I'm not serious with any of my antics, and they usually come right back at me with something similar and say similar things.  We're all cool.  Most of the things I say are with Mel and Antman, as I work with them the most.  However, I do mess with my co-workers a lot, too.  Usually, I make some kind of reference to Fleece Johnson; look him up on YouTube if you dare.

What I say / Context

- "Here's your cock-adilla" - my name for a chicken quesadilla when I hand it to a co-worker to grill
- "Make sure you wet that cock" - telling a co-worker to add water to the grilled chicken 'cause it looks dry
- "Make sure you cream those.  Yeah, yeah, cream them good~" - co-worker putting sour cream on something
- "Squirt that hot cheese on it and spread it around" - co-worker pumping nacho cheese
- "I see you can pump that up and down real good" - male co-worker using any pump
- "Here's this bullshit" - handing a co-worker a heavily customized food item
- "You want this meat?" - holding a bag of ground beef out for a co-worker
- "I would say, 'suck a dick' but I think you'd like that" - @Antman, my fabulous gay manager/friend, when he messes with me
- "I'm just going to wash my rag out, motherfucker, damn!" - @Antman when he told me shutup.  He said something I would usually turn into a joke but I wasn't paying attention to him. xD
- "Quit rubbing your nipples!" - @Antman when he's rubbing his nipple rings
- "You better work before Fleece Johnson ruins yo' buttcheeks" - catching a male co-worker slacking off
- "...Nothing..." - @Antman when he asks, "the fuck you looking at?"  What I said is lowkey shade.
- "Slap him with your dick" - @County's non-existent dick and relationship issues
- "I don't need to know your moonlighting antics downtown" - when a Mel says, "I suck".
- "*gagging noise*" - when a co-worker talks about eating ass
- "Don't spray me with your meat juice!" - when a co-workers splashes meat broth on the line
- "That's not professional at all" - sarcastic remark to another's double entendre
- "Flick those beans and see how they feel" - telling a co-worker to check the refried beans' texture.
- "I'm sure you suck on lots of things" - when a co-worker talks about their weed smoking.
- "Quit sending nudes!" - when a coworker is on their phone rather than working
- "Leave your personal life at the door" - when any co-worker says something that can be turned sexual
- "Sexual frustration is a bitch" - when a co-worker says they're frustrated with a computer/person.

This is just a fraction of what I say at work and what's most memorable.  Everyone at my work does something like this when the lobby doors are locked and no customer can hear us, it helps keep work fun until 1AM - 4AM when we leave.

---

(12-22-2016, 06:29 AM)Patty Wrote: Boats and Hoes

This is a funny yet frustrating moment in my employment.  One day, a man had the bright idea of driving his truck and his boat on a trailer through drive-thru.  We were initially amazed he even fit.  We made his order, he left with a loud thud, and we returned to cleaning.  However, we quickly realized the building's water pressure had went down by like 80% and we were wondering what the fuck happened.  We noticed that a lot of water was coming down the drive-thru lane and we investigated.  The man's trailer had jumped the curb on his turn and crushed one of our automated sprinklers, which was now pouring out gallons of water.  We had not water pressure that night and cleaning took forever.  We had to hire contractors to fix our sprinkler with what can be described as large automatic hoe to dig up the dirt the following morning.

[TheOnlyKat]

Grimm, I finally chose one :')

The Manager, The Minor, and Marriage

[Grimm_Wolfe]

(12-22-2016, 08:54 PM)TheOnlyKat Wrote: Grimm, I finally chose one :')

The Manager, The Minor, and Marriage

Okay, this story is short and revolves around Christmas, a female manager in her 40s, and Trainer, a 17 year-old girl who trained me when I first started working.

Christmas and Trainer spent a good amount of time together at work and off-shift.  After a few months, I realized they had a thing going on.  As far as I know, it wasn't sexual.  However, as time passed, they were engaged and would marry when Trainer turned 18.  Needless to say, upper management found out, Christmas was fired, Trainer left, and they two got married this summer.  I've only seen them once since they left/were fired.