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1st Shift Tales
I was the work practise program at the nearby vet, and somehow a  dog tooth managed to get into the convenience food i brought with me. I don’t know how it got there, but it sure did crack MY tooth.
   That wasnt the worst, though, as i was cleaning the shelfs, i thought i stick my hand to an euthanasia sting (because they kept that stuff on that shelf) when in reality i only hit a sharo edge of the package. Still i have never jumped so high so fast. Thye were inside sealed packages and the stings were emtpy, of course, so there was no danger at all. But i still got startled.

Also whats a hand crank crane? Trying to collect all this stuff to try to make one for myself, too...
-0,0 days without a sh*tpost

-Forum dwelling since 2015! 
(11-11-2017, 04:54 AM)TheNamesGames Wrote: Also whats a hand crank crane? Trying to collect all this stuff to try to make one for myself, too...

Basically, this:
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Ours is much smaller though.  We need it to lift the ~65lb/29.4Kg ball of dough for the yeast donuts on a floured surface to cut down into smaller, easy-worked balls.
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"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

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Smart Ass Comments I have used at work:

1) Customer: "Do you have (insert product)?" Me: "Yes, we do." (continues working). Long pause. Customer: "Can you show me where it is?" Me: "Absolutely, right beside you." (continues working).

2) Customer, looking at me shopping off duty, still in uniform: "Excuse me sir, do you work here?" Me: "Define 'work'. "

3) Drunk customer looking threw our shelf of scotch whiskey: "Excuse me, how much is a 12yr old?" Me: "About 30 yrs plus fines."

4) Night shift police officer enters the store in the early morning and looks around. He sees me setting out the berries for the morning and approaches in a hurried manner: "Hey, where's your . ." I cut him off with my reply "Donuts and coffee are in the bakery, just down that way." I point. He nods and heads towards bakery.

5) Customer: "You know I can get this for 50 cents cheaper at (insert store name)." Me: "True, but how much will it cost you in gas to go from here to there?" Customer puts object in basket and continues shopping.

6) Me on the phone with shift director: "Hey we are going to run over our scheduled out time to get the floor set." Manager: "How much longer will it be?" Me: "Depends on how many employees are checking twitter."

7) Day manager clocks in, sees me on the fork lift bringing pallets down the hall and asks "truck unloaded yet?" Me: "It was but I decided not to put it out today so now I am reloading it." Manager: "smart ass." and moves along.

8) Customer: "why are some apples so much bigger than the others?" Me, imitating Giorgio A. Tsoukalos (ancient aliens meme guy): "Science."

9) Customer: "If I buy (insert produce item) now, how long will it last?" Me: "Until it's eaten or it rots."

10) Customer: "Excuse me, where do your potatoes come from?" Me: "The ground."

Yeah, it's a wonder I have not been called into the store director's office yet.
Just enough of a Bastard to be worth liking.
Sassy Geck, I love it. :3
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

Holy shit #3 lmfao
Human embodiment of Murphy’s Law, at your service!
They thought i was crazy

So on the first day of a summer internship I did, We set out to work on clearing trails and such with a tool called a maddox . Because this work was so tiring, we worked in shifts. At this point the really big root that we were cutting up had gone through 5 shifts so far, and looked very much still in the ground, and everyone was tired. I was up to bat. I nudged the root with my boot to test the looseness, then warned everyone that i was about to start swinging (so they don't walk too close). 
I got about 20 swings in before they told me to stop and get water and let someone else hit it. At this point i was DETERMINED. Everyone just watched as i freaking hooked the maddox under the root and ripped that sucker out of the ground and chucked it into the woods. I looked back at them and grinned, which I think scared them cause i was sweaty and covered in dirt. I looked like an axe murderer. 

They called me the machine from that day forward after the popular comedian who got involved with the Russian gang

"The Machine"
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Visit /warp bulk for all your building needs! 
"Do You Need Anything?"
Anyone who works in the food-industry knows to help your co-workers in general, especially when it comes to making orders.  Well, I got trolled hard by Sharp, twice:
*Sharp's taking orders in the drive-thru*
Grimm: Do you need anything? o:
Sharp: Yes, I need a medium coffee with three creams and two sugars.
Grimm: Okay.
*makes the coffee and hands it over*
Grimm: Here you go. :3
Sharp: Thank you! ^-^
*Sharp starts drinking the coffee*
Grimm: ...did you just have me make your coffee? e-e
Sharp: Yes. :3

Scaring The New Guy
We got a new donut-cook.  Unfortunately for him, no one told him about the night-time hauntings he may experience.  His first night, he claimed to have heard numerous noises and a woman's voice.  To make matters worse, no one told him that I did not have a key to the building, I knock on the side-door.  So at 3:15AM, after many scares, he just hears knock on the side-door; it scares him senseless.  His first instinct is to duck down behind cover, out of fear of being shot (welcome to my hometown) and grab his phone.  Because he never came to the backdoor, I go to the front of the store and start peering in.  Well, the lights aren't on and-when he sees me outside-I'm just a dark silhouette peering into the building.  He eventually let me inside in the end.  He told me that if I called the work-phone during all this, he'd be so done.  I didn't tell him that I almost did. xD

Moldy Ice
Apparently, ice can mold.  Or-at the very least-the machine that makes the ice and puts mold into the cubes themselves.  We've been getting black, gunky-looking mold in our ice lately.  We've been cleaning out the ice-maker but it keeps coming back.
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

I apologize for the brief hiatus, I've been busy and sick the past 2 weeks.

High-Roller Tipper
This is an interesting one.  First off, there's a system regarding the sharing of tips, it's very simple.  When you start a shift, all the tips are split between the cashiers who started earlier shifts, and they're split again when people leave.  Well, since I'm the only cashier working between 4AM - 6:30AM, I get all the tips until my co-workers arrives 30min late at 7AM (she's supposed to start work at 6:30AM but whatever).  Anyone who tips over $10 is called a high-roller in my books, as the average tip is up to $1.  A woman came through our store and ordered a dozen assorted donuts that cost ~$9.75; she paid with a $20.  I went to give her the $10+ in change, she said keep it and then put a $20 in my tip jar.  She tipped me $30.  O-O I was shocked.  In the spirit of the holiday, I gave the donut-cook a cut of my tips 'cause he's a pretty cool dude.  Usually, I'll make ~$65 in tips every two weeks.  This period, I made $97.5 in tips.

"That's a nice ride!"
Anyone who loves old as fuck cars will get a kick out of this.  I was working the drive-thru when I man in a truck pulled up, it was old as hell and beautifully restored.  Mr. Bossman, Mr. Jiminy, and I had to ask the driver, "what model of truck is that?"  It was a 1946 Chevy with the original engine.  I'd believe it, too.  Damn thing looked and smelled like a flaming gas-can when it left.

~~Everybody was Judo-Fighting!~~
Lamb and I were talking one day and I learned that her younger-brother was Judoka.  Naturally, when I saw him again, we got into a long talk about Judo.  In particular, our favorite techniques and cool moments we've had.  His favorite move is the kimura armlock.  My favorite moves are: kata guruma 1:01 - 1:11 (kneeling variant), osoto gaeshi (counter-attack to osoto gari), tani otoshi (counter-attack variant to o-goshi) and okuri eri jime (type of chokehold using your opponent's own clothing to strangle them).
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

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$30 tip for $10 of doughnuts!?!?!??!?! I hope she becomes a regular lmao
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Grimmiel Iglesias
I was working with Sharp today and I was talking about one of my favorite comedians, Gabriel Iglesias.  Turns out Sharp loves his skits and I happen to know a good deal of them from memory.  I started reciting some of his skits and had Sharp nearly busting a side from laughter.  I recited jokes from his shows: "I'm Not Fat, I'm Fluffy", "Aloha, Fluffy", and "I'm Sorry for What I Said When I Was Hungry".  One of Sharp's favorite jokes is the racist gift-basket one.

That's Not My Name!
Well, Lamb and I are like siblings in some ways, always trying to find new ways to mess with one another.  Lamb's taken to changing my name around in an attempt to mess with me.  I've been hitting back with the same strategy.  Now, Maria, Lamb's mom, is also taken to this little game of ours.   We're trying to find names for Sharp and have failed miserably, nothing rhymes with her damn name. xD


People who know me should know I've been sick for the past two weeks about.  Major upper-respiratory infection that's causing me expectorate a shit-ton of mucus from my lungs.  Well, whatever I ate didn't agree with me today, so I had to use the restroom twice while on shift.  Unfortunately for me, as I'm sitting on the toilet, I had a major coughing fit and had to spit a loogie up with almost no warning.  Well, I didn't have time to grab any tissue and the rubbish bin's too far away, so I tried to spit this crap between my legs into the bowl.  It missed.  It hit the thin rim of the fucking bowl, slid forward, and dropped into my god damn pants... This was pretty much my face, as I had to dig this crap out of my pants.

Mashed Potatoes
Mashed potatoes seems to be recurring theme at my donut shop, I have two stories to tell.

#1: This is my dumbass self not realizing something.  When I first started working at the store, I noticed this large tupperware container in fridge full of a paste, which looked exactly like mashed potatoes.  I just assumed it was someone's lunch and went about my way.  One weeks, still there; two weeks, still; etc.  I was had to ask, "When are we throwing out the mashed potatoes in the fridge?"  Sharp and Maria looked at me weird, and inquired into what mashed potatoes.  I realized then that what I assumed was mashed potatoes was actually cookie dough for our cookies. (/_-) I felt so stupid.

#2: This happened over Thanksgiving.  Lamb and I started talking about cooking, and I stated that I had to cook mashed potatoes for our meal.  Well, Lamb boasted that her mashed potatoes were top-tier and asked for my recipe for comparison.  I talked about how I cooked my garlic in a pan with butter until it browned, and then deglazed the browning from the pan with half-&-half, which then gets added to the potatoes, along with sour cream, home-made bacon bits, salt, pepper, and other spices.  Lamb just looked at me and immediately conceded that I won. xD
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

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