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1st Shift Tales
(11-06-2017, 07:48 PM)Grimm_Wolfe Wrote: A whole new batch of stories for you all, enjoy.

The Regulars
If you work in any food-industry job, you'll come across the regulars.  The people who come by daily (or close to daily) and get the usual.  My co-workers and I can see them driving up from the main road/parking lot and have their order already made by the time they get to us.  We have:
Mr. Jiminy - glazed twist, med. coffee w/ 3 creams
Mr. Muttonchops - Lg. coffee w/ 4 sugars
Mrs. Phone - 1 glazed old fashion
Mrs. Coffee - 1 Lg. cappuccino 1/2 & 1/2 mix of French vanilla and white-chocolate caramel /w two extra scoops of French vanilla powder
Mr. Dozen - (if I recall right) 3 jellies, 1 maple-bacon, one cinnamon roll, 4 Bavarian cream, 2 red velvet, and 1 blueberry cake.
Mr. One-Glaze - 1 glazed donut (he comes by usually within 2min of us opening, he's typically our first customer)
Mr. Echo - Sm. coffee /w 2 creams, 2 Splendas & a cinnamon donut
Mr. Hill - he either orders a cinnamon donut or a powdered donut, we make bets on which.
Mr. Trainer - 1 strawberry iced donut and 1 old fashioned, a Sm. coffee, and a Sm. orange juice.
The Twins - their order usually consists of 2 of the same type of donuts.  They also wear they same brand and model of clothes, just in different colors.
Mr. Cake - this guy gets a chocolate-iced cake donut and another cake donut of some sort.  When they're in season, he'll replace the latter with a pumpkin-spice donut.
Mr. Blessed - this man usually gets a Lg. coffee w/ 2 creams and maybe a plain cake donut.  He'll leave and wish us all a "blessed day".

Doppelgangers, Video-Game Characters, and Homeless People; Oh, My.
This is just devoted to all the people I've seen come and go through the store that really stood out.

Maxine Caulfield? - Yes, I saw a teen who looked exactly like Max Caulfield from the Life is Strange series.

Set #1: I saw Maddie_Amity's doppelganger while working.  For anyone who doesn't know Maddie, she's HT's resident emo, self-proclaimed drowned-rat, and keeper of Noodlechan, her cat.  Anyway, this woman comes in wearing autumn-colored clothes and shawl, her makeup is the same tone as Maddie's, and she has the same colored hair and facial structure.  I was odd.

Set #2: this one is between our Mr. Cake, a regular, and a man who came by with his wife.  I almost got the latter man Mr. Cake's usual order.

Set #3: we have an almost regular come for a cup of coffee in the afternoons, she's very nice and energetic.  I'll name her Mrs. Sunshine.  Well, one day, I thought Mrs. Sunshine came by and got a coffee with half a packet of Splenda.  A few hours later, the actual Mrs. Sunshine pulls back up in a different car.  I asked her if she was came by earlier and for that half a Splenda'd coffee order, she says, "no".  She gets a good laugh when I tell her she has a doppelganger in town.

Homeless People:
So far, only two have really stood out.

#1: this is actually a sad case.  The man-I believe-has schizophrenia.  He talks to his reflections in our windows and he'll use our bathroom mirror to talk to himself.  Being a psychology graduate, I know people with actual schizophrenia are very unlikely to commit random acts of violence.  Typically, they only get violent when they're trying to be restrained.  Needless to say, the random ramblings and inappropriate questions can get unsettling, he seems to think Mr. Bossman is a racist for some reason.  He asked me about that and asked me to make sure he wasn't a racist.  

#2: this happened two days.  A man came by and asked for a manager, wanted to make an appeal to one's good nature for some food.  Well, Mr, Bossman was gone and Sharp, the store's 2nd manager, was not on shift.  That means Maria would have seniority.  Anyway, she told him she's not authorized to give out free-food that the store makes.  That being said, I was tasked with the breakfast run that morning.  I know, breakfast food for people who make breakfast, it happens.  Anyway, the only place open that early in the morning and that close to work was a MacDonald's.  I hate MacDonald's food for the most part.  Anyway, I got 12 sausage biscuits for the whole store's crew.  Maria gave this man 3 of those biscuits as it was our personal food, the man was very thankful.

Broken Home Remedies
This is a funny story, and it's very important you know Maria is a Hispanic-American to start.  It will make it funnier, I promise.

Maria, Sharp, and I were on shift, we were all restocking the papers, boxes, and refilling trays with donuts.  Well, I stepped on Sharp's foot and she stood there in silent pain.  Apparently, I stepped on a corn on her foot.  Well, here's what followed in dialogue:

steps on Sharp's foot
Sharp: X-X
Maria: what's wrong, Sharp? o:
Sharp: Grimm stepped on my corn, it hurts. ;~;
Grimm: my bad. o-o
Maria: surprised you haven't dipped that thing in glaze.Sharp and Grimm: xD
Grimm: sounds like one of those home remedies.  I think Sharp would use an old-fashioned instead. xP
Sharp: Stahp! xD
Maria: *putting on her thickest Hispanic accent and broken English* [grabs a piece of a broken old fashioned] You rub dis into foots.. work.. miracle! ^-^
Sharp and Grimm: xD

This is the kind of bullshit I love at work.
The last one is not accurate, every latino knows vicks vapor rub aka vaporrub works miracles.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
[Image: latest?cb=20140209085003]
I second what Osh said. That shit is amazing
[Image: tumblr_noczeq8jXn1t45pbyo1_500.gif]
(11-06-2017, 10:12 PM)TheNamesGames Wrote: Man, you could make a comedy/tradegy TV show from this all. The text is still understandable compared to the gibberish i produce...

It ok if i’ll use that ”Rosetta stone” sometime?

The Rosetta stone comment as an insult?  Sure, I don't mind.

Honestly, I'm sure all the stuff I've seen would make an entertaining comic/show, I doubt there would be any overarching plot or story continuity, rather just random scenes of funny bullshit.  It would kind of be like Nichijou, one of my favorite animes, in regards to the unrelated stories.
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

I just read all of the stories, when will you post more?? THEY ARE SOOOO AMAZING!!!!
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain 
(11-08-2017, 02:50 PM)ak_orange_peel Wrote: I just read all of the stories, when will you post more?? THEY ARE SOOOO AMAZING!!!!

I'll usually post stuff when I've accumulated 3+ good stories.  Some stories I forget and post later.  Sometimes it will be a couple of days or up to two weeks, it depends on what's happened.  Glad you're enjoying these. ^-^

We Got Robbed
In my city, crime in general is pretty bad.  Crime is so common that it's expected, unfortunately.  No one will bat an eye.  No step missed.  Life just goes on.  The people are horribly jaded and desensitized to it all.  That being said, the absolute petty-as-fuck crimes still surprise me.  Some motherfucker stole our toilet brush.  Let that sink in for a moment.  A toilet brush.  Not a high-end, premium-quality, shit-scrubbing device of epics and legends sung of by bards on the same level as Excalibur.  No, a fucking $0.50 piece-of-shit brush from the men's room.  I refuse to believe some person had that much struggle in life to justify making my job harder.  I don't even want to think about how they concealed their theft, as they have to walk by the front-counter to even get to the restroom.  Freakin' kleptomaniacs.

This is just an interesting bit of dialogue between the newest co-worker, whom I'll call Vine, and myself when I needed to go to the restroom.

Grimm: Be right back, I need to use the restroom.
Vine: Do you need help?
( I know I did not just hear her offering to help me use the restroom )
Grimm: ...wut? o.0
Vine: Do you need help cleaning?
( I can clean my own butthole! D: )
Grimm: wat?! I'm going to go use the restroom. x-x
Vine: Oh! I thought you said you were going to go clean the restroom! My bad! xD
Grimm: ;~;

I hate having hearing loss in my left ear. lol

We Got Screwed
This happened this morning.  Now, I opened the store today, which means I have stock the showcase with donuts, fill the jelly donuts, open the store, turn on the registers, make the coffee, and make the advance-noticed orders for the day. I made one air pot of coffee and tried starting the second pot.  Well, when I tried to grind the beans for pot #2, the grinder came to a halt.  Nothing was grinding, the beans weren't flowing, and it made a rather awful noise.  It sounded like a constipated robot.  I tried fixing it, failed.  I asked Mother if she could fix it, she failed.  I texted Mr. Bossman and told him we had an issue.  Donuts and coffee are like peanut butter and jelly, or whatever combo you can think of-you don't have one without the other.  Anyway, 30min later, Mr. Bossman arrived and took a look at it.  He was stumped, so he had to take the whole think apart.  He had to remove all the beans, take off the side-plates and remove the innards, he vacuumed some shit out.  He finally found the problem after what felt like 30min of tinkering.  A fucking screw found its way into our grinder.  A screw.  Here's the worrying things:

A ) something in our grinder fell out
B ) the factory shipped us a screw mixed in with the beans.

We don't know which, so we can only hope it doesn't happen again or fuck up the grinder entirely.

Drive-Thru From Hell
We had so many mishaps on drive-thru today that is wan't funny at all.

#1: I'll admit right out, I made a mistake.  I rang up the wrong amount of cash being paid and almost overpaid a customer by $0.40.  Luckily, the customer was nice enough to point out the mistake, he got his correct change, and I was stuck writing up a ticket explaining why the records and the register amount may be off; fun.

#2: A guy didn't pay attention to me at all.  One of the beverages we sell is Mountain Dew.  Well, we usually sell soft-drinks by the bottle, but we recently had to switch to canned drinks--not entirely sure why.  Anyway, a man ordered a Mountain Dew, I told him we only had it in cans at the moment, he said it was fine, and he got his order.  Then he's upset that I gave him a can of soda instead of a bottle, which I already told him ahead of time.  He asked for a refund, I got the unopened soda back, gave him his money back, and then had to write a ticket explaining the refund on the records.

#3: Vine was taking a woman's order when she got angry at her total, claimed it was too high for what she was getting.  The woman ordered some chocolate-glazed, French-cream-filled Bismarcks, which are $1.09 after tax a piece.  However, she thought they were the same price as our regular chocolate-glazed donuts, which are only $0.90 after tax a piece.  Vine had to literally get a menu and explain to this woman why what she ordered wasn't the price that she thought.  Everything was sorted in the end but it was still avoidable had the woman actually read our menu fully.

#4: Vine sold a couple of people are cups-of-holes, which are just large, clear-plastic cups willed with 1.5dz+ donut holes each.  The couple claimed they were cold, therefor they were clearly old, and accused us of trying to sell sub-par donut holes to them.  They demanded a refund.  Here's the deal though, any old donuts get packed up and put in our "day-old display case" at a super-discounted price.  We don't have donut holes in that case, because we sell all of our holes by ~2PM every day.  There have never been day-old donut holes.  Vine and I packed those cups ourselves from the day's only batch of donut holes that were fried up that morning.  As for "the holes were cold", ask us to microwave them.  They're prepped hours ahead of time.  Coldness is no indicator of being over a day old.  Anyway, the couple got their refund, handed us back the holes, which we then had to toss as they already poked around them all.  In the end, everybody lost.  We had to write up yet another ticket explaining this refund.

"You Old!"
There have been multiple instances of myself being called old while at work by my co-workers.  The reasons are as follows:
I carry an antique Zippo lighter for people to use. (multiple people comment on having never seen a Zippo for [x-amount] of years)
I listen to pop/jazz between 1910-1959.
I've watched a good deal of black-and-white films.
My favorite donuts are unglazed cake donuts and old-fashioneds.
I use Irish Creme coffee-mate in my hot cocoa (it's apparently an old-person creamer)
I make references to old pieces of literature often.
I have hearing loss.
I have some joint pain.
I use Gold-Bond body powder at times.
I use Irish-Spring bars of soap (it's apparently old-person soap)

"That's disgusting, Grimm!"
Donuts are not something a person should be eating on a daily (near-daily) basis, I think most people would agree with that.  They're calorie-dense and not filling, which means you could end up eating a lot of them.  Well, in lieu of donuts for a meal, I wanted a more-balanced meal option.  Something that could be eaten hot or cold, and doesn't require much/any prep if I could help it.  Something that doesn't expire easily.  A meal that would have a serving of dairy, veggies, fruit, carbs, and protein.  I decided on Campbell's Chunky Stew/Soup, a small cup of unsweetened granny-smith apple-sauce, and 2% milk from work would be a good option; much better than a donut.  You read that right, folks.  When necessity dictates, I will eat unheated chunky soup.  Needless to say, a few of my co-workers found it repulsive but whatever.  Between mid-work rushes, rushing to school, attending class and potentially not eating at all, I'll eat that cold, goopy soup without a complaint.  Seriously, I eat breakfast at 2:15AM and don't get out of class until about 2:15PM.  12hrs without a proper meal is torture for any person of Filipino descent; we just love food too much.  As one of my friends who was formerly in the military said in regards to MREs, "its not food, it's fuel; fucking eat it."  He's also noted as saying, "you've never known constipation until you've eaten an MRE".  lol
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

Its sad that our stomach system is so darn stupid. It doesn’t know/care what you are filling it with, it only cares when its full. Resulting in that that eating a donut will still leave your stomach grumpling, even though you got enough enery. So will the soap. Oh well.
Thanks to you, i’m now affraid for my daily belongings. Who knows if one my friends just decide’s to sweep the leg of my ugly floor lamp.
-0,0 days without a sh*tpost

-Forum dwelling since 2015! 
Selfish Generosity (?)
Two instances of pretty much the same thing happened today.  It would seem that people are using pre-paid debit cards at work, which is fine.  However, two people came up short on their orders.  One person was short $0.09 and the other was ~$1.07 (or something) when they tried using their cards.  This means that the difference has to be made up somehow or the order voided.  Now, I was the only cashier on shift during these two times, which means all the tips in the tip-jar are mine.  Rather than void the order and undertake the semi-tedious task of writing up a ticket describing why the cash registers' records seem off, I decided to use some of my tips to pay for the remainder of the orders:

A ) it settles the registers, so I don't have to write up a ticket.
B ) customers are happily surprised.
C ) I have more time to do other stuff.

The customer with the $0.09 difference was pleasantly surprised and thanked me.  The customer with the $1+ was more reluctant but I insisted, because it would work well in both of our favors.  By the end of the day though, a customer gave me a $5.00 tip and others dropped a lot of quarters in the jar for me, which more than paid off the losses and bolstered my usual average.

This happened in the drive-thru today.  Mrs. Phone, a regular, came through for her usual order of a single old-fashioned cake donut.  I bagged the order up, she gave me a $1.00, I cashed out the order, gave Mrs. Phone her $0.04 in change, turned to get her order, turned around, and she was driving off; she left her donut.  Vine and I watched as she approached the intersection by our workplace, and then perform an ass-backwards 3-point turn to come back for her donut.   She looked pretty embarassed about the whole thing.

"No, No, No, No, No; Yes!~"
Today had a shit-ton of advanced-notice orders that I had to prepare by 8AM for eight people/organizations, which totaled over 30 dozen donuts of a mixed variety that I needed to pack.  This task would normally only take ~35min only if you didn't have anything else to do.  Between all my other opening duties and sales, these orders took 4hrs to complete, which is when I received this call for an order:

Person: Hello, I'd like to place an order
e-e another?)
Grimm: Sure, what would you like?
Person: Alright, to start, we'll need 10dz glazed donuts.
Why? D: )
Grimm: Okay, would you like anything else?
(please, say 'no')
Person: Yes, I'd like 2dz cinnamon rolls and 2dz apple fritters.
NO! WHY! )
Grimm: Alright, would you like anything else?
Person: No, that will do it.
Grimm: When will the order be picked up?
( Please, do not say in the next 10min ;~; )
Person: Tomorrow at 7AM
(Fuck yeah! I won't have to make that shit!)
Grimm: Sounds goods, we'll have it ready for you tomorrow!
Person: Thank you, you have a nice day!
Grimm: You, too! ^-^
(Those poor sons of bitches opening tomorrow lol)
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

Appromaxily just how long does it take to bake one glazed donut? Is it complicated?
-0,0 days without a sh*tpost

-Forum dwelling since 2015! 
(11-10-2017, 06:19 AM)TheNamesGames Wrote: Appromaxily just how long does it take to bake one glazed donut? Is it complicated?

It's pretty complicated actually.  I have never fried a donut at work, that's all done by our donut-cook, Mother.  From what I can tell, the steps are as follows for a typical yeast donut:

  1. add 50lbs of donut mix to a mixer, add water (and anything else), then mix for however long
  2. get a small hand-crank crane to pull the mixer-bowl up onto your work surface
  3. cut out and flatten a portion of dough
  4. run the dough through a machine that cuts it into its shape
  5. you let the dough rise in a warm, humidifying chamber for an exact amount of time.  Too long or too short, and your donuts are fucked.
  6. you fry them for a few minutes
  7. let them drain off the excess oil
  8. glaze
  9. off to a cooling rack
From start to finish, I'd estimate the whole process takes ~45min to finish the 1st batch of donuts.

Cake donuts are easier:

  1. add 50lbs of donut mix to a mixer, add water (and anything else), then mix for however long
  2. scoop out a certain amount of batter and put into into a crank-operated hopper
  3. the hopper drops rings of batter into the fryer
  4. let them drain off the excess oil
  5. glaze
  6. off to a cooling rack.
This process is only about ~20min from start to finishing the first batch
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook

Usually, I'd wait until I have 3+ stories to post but two things came up today at work that I have to tell now.

Achievement: Old Currency
I got a $5 (ca. 1934) today.  I was able to trade one of my $5 bills from my wallet for it.  According to a website, it's only worth $6 but it's still cool as fuck.

"That's Horrifying..."
Today, Bossman told Sharp about the events I laid out in my previous story "We Got Screwed", which details Bossman finding a screw disabling our coffee grinder.  Well, he figured it must have been shipped with the coffee beans, as there was nothing that was missing a screw.  Well, he said it wasn't the strangest thing he's found shipped in supplies, which piqued my interest and I asked him about it:

Bossman: Well, one day, Mr. Jiminy-at least I think it was him-found a human tooth in a cake donut.

We've had human body parts in our donut mix, folks.  Bossman still has the tooth, too.  It's bagged up in his office somewhere.
[Image: MlZF3GH.png]
"C'mon, let's keep it simple, huh?  He broke the rules, I banned him."

HomeTown Rulebook


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