[Landline]

I made up this game on Facebook, and had quite a few takers.  It helped me to keep my mind sharp, and provided a few laughs at the same time.

I tout myself to be a pretty savvy lyricist.  My challenge from you: Give me a name, a profession, a topic, and one of the 5 following writing styles: Sonnet, Haiku, Limerick, Mashup, or Freeverse.  (Mashup must include the original song - think Weird Al Yancovic).  I'll write back with the results.

Example: Emily... Trash Collector... Toothpaste squeezed from the middle... Sonnet.

Results:
 
 The horror of her less-than-pleasant job
the one she chose to live with all her life
is only superseded by the slob
the one that privileges to call her wife.
Fair Emily, tho never smelling fair,
collector of all things that people waste;
her only sanctuary from "out there",
surrounds her with all evidence of haste.
"Your home shall be a haven", people say;
"A place where order shall prevail within."
Yet husbandry doth irk her in his stay,
his bathroom habits nothing short of sin.
And this frustration caused by manly haste?
The squeezing of the middle of toothpaste.


Another example:  Bradley, Orange Julius employee, childhood fear of vacuum cleaners and/or bathtub drains, Mashup: Dexy's Midnight Runners' "Come On Eileen."

And my answer:

Poor Ol' Bradley Ray...
Sounded sad upon the telephone, he shed a million tears a-trembling.
Called 911, and rang the call center for help...
"Now you're grown, so grown," the policeman said to Bradley,
"to be afraid of vacuum cleaners. Hey..."
"I just don't like the noisy suckers"

Come on and clean
I swear (that Bradley) is a scardey of the dumbest thing.
Your floor is a mess, the rug I confess is so dirty
Aw, come on, and clean.

These people round here where Bradley resides
suck in dead skin cells and pollen they're aware of what his fate is.
So that's why, that's why, at the Orange Julius Bradley
is working. They have such a lovely vinyl tile!
Bradley will mop and sweep forever!

(Chorus)

BRING IT.